I have started this post half a dozen times (even finished it once) but I always get sidetracked or lose where I’ve written it. What is it with me and completing things. Goodness. But this time I’m actually typing as I compose so my chances of success are a bit better.
I wanted to share the making of my adventure girl. She didn’t start as you see her now. No, she began during the last art festival. I love getting to paint while outside and since I have to man my booth there is no guilt that I should be doing something more urgent (like cleaning, paying bills, patching sheetrock, etc) I do have to make sure I don’t get too absorbed and miss a sale or a chance to visit with the festival goers, but all in all it is a very pleasant time to paint.
Well back to the painting, I rather absent-mindedly began my background, sort of devoid of any real direction. I then drew the face in my sketchbook. The kids at the festivals love to “help” which I think is fun. My initial painting with my faces is pretty loose so if the kids want to add a little pink here or blue there, I know I’ll be adding more color later so it’s all good. Once the face, neck, and arms are painted, I cut them out and add them to the canvas. I decide to do the hair by painting around where I want hair instead of actually painting the hair itself. At this point, I’ve got to pack up and its a week or so later before I can even unpack. My girl is pretty bland. I use my palette knife to splatter a little yellow for a bit of pop. (See the picture below) A spatter of yellow, pop does not make. Boring. Now I’ve got a hint of creative block -where do I go from here.
Insecurities flow in. I’m not really an artist at all. I’m not even much of a painter. I’m boring. I’m bland -no wonder I can’t paint. All those self depreciating damaging statements come vomiting out of my inner critics mouth. I think I’ll just surf the internet -I get into comparison mode. I’ll never be as good as that artist, I’ll never be as creative as that artist, Why do I think anyone would want to have my art? It is a black hole, I tell you. I’m also physically over tired and emotionally overwhelmed with my parent’s passing. I’m struggling to keep a dark depression from sitting on top of my head. I keep feeling like I should be better, but I cry at the drop of a hat.
Finally I give myself a break. I refocus my morning devotional time. I also spend a week doing nothing much but vegging out in front of the tv, eating frozen fruit and pre-made dinners after work. I don’t know if that is healthy but it seems to do the trick. I’m not quite as droopy and life doesn’t feel as overwhelming. It is odd how when you are in that dark place, you know life is good and it is only a temporary perspective issue but in the midst, the hole feels so big and the shovel so small. Intellectually you know that today’s problems are the same as yesterday’s and tomorrow’s and it will all the ok but emotionally what a roller coaster.
Now again back to the painting…. I’m ready. I’m excited. I’m bursting with ideas. I buy some cool supplies with a Michael’s gift card saved from last Christmas. I sketch up some ideas and gather up the items I want to incorporate into my painting.
Cliff-hanger……. Next post with more in-progress photos and final art is coming soon.
No Music for today: My computer is now so out dated that I can no loner access you tube I think it is -time for Santa to do a little computer shopping for under the tree!