Friday, October 20, 2017

The Only Thing Constant Is Change

Hello My Darling Artlings,
I'm Sharing Big Life Changes Yet Again!
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Hurricane Irma - Art by Laurie Anne Smith Sikorowski
My Little Hurricane Girl doodled in my art journal while Irma made landfall

It is me, Laurie Anne Smith Sikorowski (Haha, being all fancy and formal-like with my whole name incase you are new to my beloved but often neglected art blurred with lots of randomn life things blog) Well let me see how to start - first a job hunt, then not one but two hurricanes. Angsty Irma, the bully, pretty much affecting all of Florida (and beyond). Nasty timing as I needed to be out of my Key West townhouse by the end of September and the mandatory evacuation made that a strategic nightmare. On the positive, it did push me on to Nashville where I interviewed (a day late, oops, seriously who does this) and seemed to land my dream job! Yay!!! 

Oh, you know those reoccurring gremlins that plague me in my art, yes, the ones that I post about ad nauseam, guess what, they are just as active with my architectural practice. Well, maybe not quite on the doing architecture, I’m pretty secure on that part, but all the people stuff -that’s so so scary. Being seen as likable and competent is surprisingly important to me and self-confidence does not come naturally -but I do feel that I am making progress in this department.

I actually found (once I’d done massive prepping) I enjoyed the interview process. The prepping made me really look at what do I want in a career, as well as who am I, and what are my strengths and weaknesses. A snapshot of what I discovered is that I am a problem solver at heart. I like for my mind to be engaged figuring out some particularly intricate puzzle. I also thrive on building and deepening relationships. Not the let's go to the party and simple start talking to people I don’t know (umm.. like no way) but finding commonality and working together towards a common goal type relationships. And finally, I am inspired by beauty. I want to be surrounded by it and a part of its creation. My definition of beauty is broad and encompasses more that the visually pleasing; it is something deeper that can include a sense of appropriateness or even decay. It is an intangible something, more a feeling. It is easier to know where it is not than to describe what it is (although almost any thing, person, or place can have beauty if you are willing to go deep -but that is a thought ripe for a much longer exploration in later post) 

Adrift - Hurricane Art Journal Page by Laurie Anne Smith Sikorowski
"Adrift" -an art journal page expressing my sense of ununcertainty as I am between homes

Needless to say, September was an emotional rollercoaster. The high of truly sensing God’s hand in my journey and profound feelings of gratitude for the opening and shutting of doors. (I feel so taken care of) I picture myself as a seedling being carefully transplanted where I get just the right amount of sunshine and shade. I am dutifully watered and carefully pruned. I am blessed! What a wonderful time to feel so supported by precious friends and family.

BUT still I struggle with the dreadful imposter syndrome. You know where you are afraid that you are putting on an illusion of being more than who you are and if someone gets to know you better they won't think you are as amazing as you have projected. My insecurities are oozing out again, darn it! Crazy life shake ups tend to bring up the best and the worst of what usually lies dormant inside of us. Change is hard and oh how I like my comfort zone. The unknown is scary. My nature likes the calm and my life is totally not even close to calm at the moment. 

Which brings me to hurricane number two, Nate. How ironic I run from a storm right into another. Luckily Nate was much less destructive. I actually had college friends staying at the house for Nate’s arrival. No, it wasn’t intentional but ended up being fun. Nine of us crazies, playing games and watching the weather channel as the colorful mass scuttled across the tv screen.

Now, I’m heading to Nashville once again. This time to find a new place to call home. All the typical moving fears are out in full force; will I find friends, will I fit in, will I do well at my new job, and so on and so on, but also that excitement and thrill of a new beginning. I got this! Exhilaration and a soaring sense of endless possibilities! Breathe, just breathe!

Sheepish -Art  by Laurie Anne Smith Sikorowski
Sheepish Detail

I thought I’d have a lot of free time to create but so far it hasn’t happened. A couple small canvases before the storms and a few jounal pages with the meager supplies I kept in my small suitcase (yes, the one, I've been living out of for about a month now) Hopefully as I get settled (& my art supplies are unpacked), I’ll be able to do some painting before my new job begins. My fingers are itching for the smooth glide of paint on paper!

Music for today: (I had to go country since I'm about to be Nashville bound)