OH DEER!

    Goodness, this has been a week. I had a post in mind but it'll have to come later. Daddy took a turn for the worse so I'm afraid that has really pushed most everything else to the background. I cancelled all my meetings friday and spent the day in the emergency department with Mom. Dad had become incoherent and since none of the nurses had been able to draw his blood, no lab work meant we had no idea of his numbers. Quite a trying day -in fact just plain awful. Dad was struggling and hurting and unable to really communicate. It seems the end is coming sooner than we were prepared for (not that a miracle can't happen or that this may have been of a series of particularly bad days)

    Today Dad is sleeping peacefully. He hasn't really awoken even though it is now late afternoon. I thought I was ready. While, I am confident that he will ultimately be in a much better place; it is still hard. It just hit me with an unexpected intensity -the flood of emotions as I held his hand, as I tried to talk to him, as he lay so quietly. Sadness, anger, wanting so much for him to open his eyes and tell me everything would be ok. I kept waiting for him to ask me to just give him a few more minutes and he'd be ready to get up and walk to the living room.

    I almost never cried as a child and young adult (like I can only remember less than a handful of times, although I would occasionally fake it by licking my finger and swiping it down my cheek when it seemed like the appropriate response) It was a way of keeping the pain and disappointment away. A control thing, I've had to work on letting go. Allowing myself to live fully; experiencing all life has -the incredibly joyful as well as the incredibly painful. I am by nature an analyzer, an observer, tending to hole up inside my head (One of the things I like about mixed media and art journalling is that it helps me in this journey of exposure and transparency) Today my emotions are very near the surface. I remind myself, It doesn't mean I am not strong or brave or capable. It means I am secure enough of those attributes that it is ok to allow myself to also be weak, unsure, and scared when I should be. (Maybe should is not the right word - but just am) Tears well up and stream down. I feel a lumpy restriction in my chest. I don't want Dad to be in pain or feel he must fight to stay with us for our sake. But as I gaze upon his gentle (& it is so soft and kind and gentle) face, my head is ok but my heart is not there yet. I'll be mostly stoic -it is who I am. But I FEEL the hollow pit of sorrow and loss right now.

    My shoulders shrug and I bring my head up. This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! My family is converging. We will make spaghetti and visit and laugh and cry and have difficult conversations. I am blessed. I am my father's daughter.

Art for today's blog: "Oh Deer!"
Remember the sketch I did at the Festival on the Ponce and showed in my last post? Well, this last weekend I turned it into a canvas. I hope you like her. I feel she is quite appropriate for my post -heart on a horn, tears on a check, and memories to KEEP.

Music for today's blog: I'll fly away -Alison Krause's version

sKeTch HapPy :)

Exhausted but happy!

Quite a whirlwind weekend- I did the "Festival on the Ponce." Moderate sales (Sunday was pretty slow -very overcast and closed early because of the rain) but April showers do bring May flowers.  My original "Eve" sold. She is one of my favorites so I was thrilled that she found a good home. I'll be back in Hot-Lanta again next weekend for the "Sandy Springs Artsapalooza." I am excited and hope to get a few new things ready but I am not going to stress about it if I can't.  Life is too short.

I thought I'd post a few sketches I did during the festival. As you'll see I very influenced by my immediate surroundings. There is always something to be inspired by with Life a'buzzing all around!

First is this little sketch, "Dreaming of Flying." An angelic cutie pie was toddling behind her Dad wearing the sweetest felt hat that really reminded me of an aviator's cap. She was intently staring at the birdhouses a couple in the adjoining booth to my left were selling (such a nice couple -he even brought danishes to share Sunday morning and the birdhouses, classy architectural wood ones that any bird would envy)

Next is Muslimah. She is an amazing lady who owns her own business, a hot dog stand and truck -"Dogs on Wheels Hotdogs" Her cart was directly across from my tent. Besides being quite the driven business woman, she is just adorable in her red and white polka dot headband and thick black braid.  Just too perfect an opportunity to pass up. (& Yes, I did buy a hotdog -it was Yummy)

Finally, there is Ashli, who I really enjoyed getting to know. She creates notepads, buttons, and bottle openers as Big Yellow Dog Designs (link is to her shop on Etsy). We got ridiculously lucky and had an empty space between us so I was able to open up a portion of the tent and use the side (other than when it rained on Sunday) Sooo much nicer than being cooped up inside the tent the entire time. I haven't completely figured out the best way to display my art, prints, wood blocks, plus me and not be cramped in the 10'x10' space. But I digress, back to Ashli, specifically to one of her designs. Notice the tiny button on the sketch pad, well earlier in the day she had a tote bag with the antler image larger and the words. "You're a Dear" (cute) It sold. My sketch is an opposite take on the theme -I call it "Oh Dear." I am a bit enamored with her. I think she'll become the inspiration seed for an upcoming little canvas.

Got to go now -Just wanted to shoot out an update on the artsy part of my life! If you'll be around Atlanta the weekend of April 12th & 13th. please come visit me a the Sandy Springs Artsapalooza. I will be located at Booth 5. Hope to see you there!

Music Just for Fun: Jenny Says by Cowboy Mouth (I love Cowboy Mouth -great band to see in person)